I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
