I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
