omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
