i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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