Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
