Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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