dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
