Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
