# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
