It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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