Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
