I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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