once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
