nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
