guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im calling her cock vulture from now on
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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