her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
