A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
