He kissed a someone with a penis
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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