the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
soo... how was my night?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
