this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
