I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize