Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize