I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
