So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
