3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
