Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
