It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
