i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
