No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
