Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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