I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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