I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
