there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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