It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize