I'm going to jail i love you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dignity is for republicans.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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