I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
