i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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