He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My bed smells like the plague
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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