I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
