i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
