dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
