someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
