Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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