I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
