Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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