I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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