Christians are straight up FREAKS
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
