stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
