drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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