I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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