I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
