"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
