Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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