mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
