yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
