ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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