when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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