Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
